Ouch.

My head hurts. The last thing i remember is that dastardly orc and his monstrous mongrel charging down on me. These orcs, they aren't as tough as they look, I tell you, but they are crafty bastards. I mean rascals. I fought off the orc, but my long flowing dress got stuck in the saddle and the bloody mutt took me along with it when it went over the cliff.

Note: Wear loose clothes with caution. A Levis and a Lacoste should do.

I dreamt Arwen was kissing me. We had this talk about her leaving Middle Earth. Maybe it was because I am hanging out too much with Legolas these days. Nah, I am a hunk with a two day stubble. Elven or human, no woman can resist my charms. But it wasn't Arwen, really. It was my tawny steed, trying to give me CPR. Thooack! Sputter...There is a deep gash on my right shoulder. Hmm..these elvish women can be really feisty. No, wait, that was just a dream. This must have been that mutated mongrel. Atleast I am alive. Take me to where Legolas is, horsey. I mean, I don't specifically want to meet him. Don't look at me like that, dumb animal, I am straighter than Legolas can shoot an arrow! Damn!

Note: Go pub crawling and arm wrestling with Gimli this weekend.

Ah, Helm's deep. I shall finally see Legolas and Eowyn again. I mean, Eowyn and Legolas. No, just Eowyn. There she is. What did I tell you. All I have to do is give that Don Juan look and they will be eating out of my hands. Can't these orcs live in peace? Gandalf told me of another realm called Iraq where a great war is being fought. But I have travelled all over Middle Earth, and have seen no such thing. But Gandlaf the White is truly wise, and I trust his word. Why can't these orcs go there? There's Legolas. Don't look at him. Focus on Gimli but don't make it too obvious. Theoden's making a big ruckus, he seems to have lost his favourite back-scratcher. An itchy back can be fatal in war, I have learnt, many greater men have fallen to prickly heat.

Note: Run down to nearest Fairprice and get a Shower to Shower.

Eowyn's a nice girl. Just that she is a bit aggressive. No, not where it matters. She is the kind that slams you in the back when you are pondering over the meaning of life. But those freckles make her look cute, so I guess I'll forgive this transgression. Does Gimli wear the same dress day in day out? I have never seen him take a bath. Scruffy looking, if you ask me. On the other hand, Legolas seems to have an infinite supply of dresses that look alike and appear unisexual. Thats it! That's why I am obsessed with Legolas! He reminds me so much of Arwen! Phew! For a moment....

Note: Buy Legolas a pair of Levis and a Lacoste as soon as we get back to Rohan.

It will be a matter of hours before the Urukhai get here. Maybe I'll ask Eowyn to wake me up when they do. Maybe if I pretend to be unconscious, she might use CPR...hee..