Friday, February 14, 2003
Thursday, February 13, 2003
It's Valentine's day, and my friends from Mumbai tell me that the ads here do not even mention the V word. Why? Fear of the Sena. Jai Maharashtra Dharma and all that to you, Balwantrao, keep up the good work.
I look at it from a different perspective. I don't see it as an invasion of Indian culture. I don't see is as promotion of promiscuity and lasciviousness. I see it as advertisements telling people that unless they go out and buy that diamond necklace, they don't really love their significant other, and the significant other believing this canard because it bloody repeated so many times.
So, let the couples throng, and let the mushy gifts flow, but let the corporates not trick you into expressing emotions you never had in the first place. A round of applause for the freedom from corporate slavery that Balwantrao's decree of vandalising Hallmark and Archies has brought Mumbaikars this year.
PS: Please read this if you are simple
I look at it from a different perspective. I don't see it as an invasion of Indian culture. I don't see is as promotion of promiscuity and lasciviousness. I see it as advertisements telling people that unless they go out and buy that diamond necklace, they don't really love their significant other, and the significant other believing this canard because it bloody repeated so many times.
So, let the couples throng, and let the mushy gifts flow, but let the corporates not trick you into expressing emotions you never had in the first place. A round of applause for the freedom from corporate slavery that Balwantrao's decree of vandalising Hallmark and Archies has brought Mumbaikars this year.
PS: Please read this if you are simple
| Why are they getting stupid females to compere the World Cup? First it was Ruby Bhatia, now its Mandira Bedi.
I mean, come on, guys, if you want to promote cricket to the women, get someone from the WCAI to present it. Here is a list of women who represent India in cricket. How about picking one of them? I mean, Anshuman Gaikwad isn't exactly a looker, but you have him on the panel for his cricketing knowledge. Why cannot we give these women the same privilege? I saw Mandira being bloody insensitive to the Dutch team, especially after they had put in a really good performance in with the ball. I daresay they bowled and fielded better than us. |  Mandira with Yuvraj Singh.
|
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
India beat Holland
Shame! All praise for Holland, you should have seen them dive.
My theory: India prepped Holland for their games against Pakistan, Australia, Zimbabwe, England. With some luck, the Dutch will give these teams a hard time. Till Saturday, where we shall face-off with the racist sledgers from down under. Right now, it's 4 points against India's name, that's what matters.
Shame! All praise for Holland, you should have seen them dive.
My theory: India prepped Holland for their games against Pakistan, Australia, Zimbabwe, England. With some luck, the Dutch will give these teams a hard time. Till Saturday, where we shall face-off with the racist sledgers from down under. Right now, it's 4 points against India's name, that's what matters.
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Australia beat Pakistan
I guess that was the highlight of yesterday. Now, I know a couple of Pakis and they are nice people and all, but I bait Pakistan as an extra-constitutional national duty. Anyway, thanks to some pathetic batting by the opening, they lost to Australia by a margin that could have been humiliating had it not been for Wasim Akram. But if there is anything that can beat Aussie guile, it is only the Aussie uncouth behaviour, both on and off the pitch. Though Akram might match the Aussies word for word when it comes to brawling, but I guess he fell short in the guile game, and some experimental fielding changes paid off when Akram was pouched just when he was starting to look dangerous.
Slim Fit
I don't read national dailies in Singapore. Why? They have bad advertisements. Yesterday there was this advert by some "Slim Fit" clinic who have come up with some "revolutionary" and "natural" bust "enhancement" therapy. Now, I am not against quacks feeding off the insecurity of the people, but I am against is these pavlovs making women insecure about themselves to gain more business. Stuff like
- the reason for your strained relationship with your husband might be your bustline
- it's a fact that women with well-endowed bosoms are more self-confident
- This sense of inadequacy hurts their feelings deep inside.
Protein diet supplements for guys who wish to build muscle mass also play along the same lines. I am sure people who read these adverts and give the product/service serious thought because they don't have sufficient friends or because they aren't getting enough attention from their spouse. Don't they stop to think that maybe their spouse or colleagues don't like them because they are intellectually underdeveloped? Because they have two digit IQs? Because they just don't know how to talk to people?
I agree that a good looking person will get more looks than lets say an average joe, but what after that? What's the sustainability value? I mean, even an intellectually deprived person like Aishwarya Rai dumped Salman Khan after the topless jumping jack novelty wore off. then what about some Archit Vadhva or a Sangita Padmanabhan?
A prayer
God, I know I tell people that you exist only for those people who believe in you, not for those who are on an elevated level of consciousness. But just in case I am wrong, accept this prayer that I humbly offer at your feet. God, India is playing Holland today in their first match in this World Cup. I shall be there to support India, but my support might not actually cause conditions to change. God, please let:
. India win the toss and elect to bat.
. Sachin break that now-religious Saeed Anwar's record.
. Agarkar haul 5 wickets.
A good start to the World Cup would give a morale boost to the Indian team. Holland are no-hopers for this World Cup anyway. You have placed India in a difficult group, and though you have given Zimbabwe a walkover over England, that might still cause a dicey situation. So please God, let these three things happen today. If they do, I'll make it a point to tell people that you exist on all levels of consciousness, not just the lower ones.
cheers,
Onkar.
ps: Do you get cable out there?
I guess that was the highlight of yesterday. Now, I know a couple of Pakis and they are nice people and all, but I bait Pakistan as an extra-constitutional national duty. Anyway, thanks to some pathetic batting by the opening, they lost to Australia by a margin that could have been humiliating had it not been for Wasim Akram. But if there is anything that can beat Aussie guile, it is only the Aussie uncouth behaviour, both on and off the pitch. Though Akram might match the Aussies word for word when it comes to brawling, but I guess he fell short in the guile game, and some experimental fielding changes paid off when Akram was pouched just when he was starting to look dangerous.
Slim Fit
I don't read national dailies in Singapore. Why? They have bad advertisements. Yesterday there was this advert by some "Slim Fit" clinic who have come up with some "revolutionary" and "natural" bust "enhancement" therapy. Now, I am not against quacks feeding off the insecurity of the people, but I am against is these pavlovs making women insecure about themselves to gain more business. Stuff like
- the reason for your strained relationship with your husband might be your bustline
- it's a fact that women with well-endowed bosoms are more self-confident
- This sense of inadequacy hurts their feelings deep inside.
Protein diet supplements for guys who wish to build muscle mass also play along the same lines. I am sure people who read these adverts and give the product/service serious thought because they don't have sufficient friends or because they aren't getting enough attention from their spouse. Don't they stop to think that maybe their spouse or colleagues don't like them because they are intellectually underdeveloped? Because they have two digit IQs? Because they just don't know how to talk to people?
I agree that a good looking person will get more looks than lets say an average joe, but what after that? What's the sustainability value? I mean, even an intellectually deprived person like Aishwarya Rai dumped Salman Khan after the topless jumping jack novelty wore off. then what about some Archit Vadhva or a Sangita Padmanabhan?
A prayer
God, I know I tell people that you exist only for those people who believe in you, not for those who are on an elevated level of consciousness. But just in case I am wrong, accept this prayer that I humbly offer at your feet. God, India is playing Holland today in their first match in this World Cup. I shall be there to support India, but my support might not actually cause conditions to change. God, please let:
. India win the toss and elect to bat.
. Sachin break that now-religious Saeed Anwar's record.
. Agarkar haul 5 wickets.
A good start to the World Cup would give a morale boost to the Indian team. Holland are no-hopers for this World Cup anyway. You have placed India in a difficult group, and though you have given Zimbabwe a walkover over England, that might still cause a dicey situation. So please God, let these three things happen today. If they do, I'll make it a point to tell people that you exist on all levels of consciousness, not just the lower ones.
cheers,
Onkar.
ps: Do you get cable out there?
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Red Singapore
Today I realised how RED Singapore is. When I first came here 4 years ago, I heard that Singapore was maybe the most capitalist country in the world. At that time I was all for Ayn Rand's "drive me out of business, baby, then we'll have wild sex in a stone quarry" capitalism. But Singapore was predominantly Chinese. This was something new to me, for I used to think as an early adolescent that Russians were good communists because they were sharing technology with us and Chinese were bad communists because they attacked us in 1962. Suffice to say, Singapore impressed me as a capitalist country. No tax slabs, no unemployment cheques, dole, that is. There were murmurs about Singapore being a communist state in disguise as a capitalist state, though. Today I saw how.
All the stuff that is lost and found over a period of time is sold at regularly intervals at low rates. Today was one such day. I wanted to get a watch, and good CASIO watches were selling for 3 bucks, so I stopped. It was another 20 minutes before the sale was to begin. I wanted to browse through the merchandise but was kinda thirsty, so I thought I would get some sugarcanse juice with a spot of lemon and come back to finger through the stuff. Lo and behold, by the time I returned, with still 10 minutes to go for the sale to begin, the people assembled there had arranged themselves in a neat line, like wretched workers in front of a ration shop. There was a fucking barricade preventing them from reaching the tables where the stuff was kept.
Fuck these lamers, I said, and calmly stepped over the barricade. The Gestapo swung into action immediately.
Gestapo girl: Please stand behind the line.
Indomitable Fashion Street Veteran (henceforth Indomitable FSV): Why?
Gestapo girl: Because we want people to stand behind the line?
Indomitable FSV: You did not answer my question. Why?
Gestapo girl: You must stand in queue.
Indomitable FSV: Why?
Gestapo girl: It is only fair to the others who are standing in the queue.
Indomitable FSV: I am not sure I want to buy. I just want to look.
Gestapo girl: Then join the queue.
Indomitable FSV (Putting on a "it's because I am black, isn't it?" accent): Come on, man, is this a museum? I just want to look. If I see something I want to buy, I'll join the queue.
{I did not understand the fucking concept of the queue anyway. It was a bloody flea market clearance kinda thing. Maybe because the sellers were predominantly Chinese and the buyers were predominantly Indonesian and Indian. Or maybe because these lame bastards could never be monitors or captains or prefects in school, now they wanted to kad'hofy the kasar, that is, make up for it.}
[People in the queue looking at Indomitable FSV. Some with disgust, some with admiration]
Gestapo girl: Please, I am saying, please join the queue.
Indomitable FSV: Give me a good reason why I should wait for 20 minutes in a queue if in the end I do not see anything that I wish to buy.
Gestapo girl: The reason is that we want people to stand in a queue.
{Here, Gestapo girl was trying to trap the Indomitable FSV in a statement that was it's own reason. But little did she know that he had aced his Discrete Math paper...even though it was one of the very few papers he had aced...}
Indomitable FSV: That does not make any sense. {Looking at some people in the queue. Ok, looking at the Indians in the queue, smirking. Oh man, don't we love a good show?}
{Suddenly a buzzing sound was heard...it was evil KG Bee who was Gestapo girls counterpart in this heinous operation to impose evil communist practices on secular democratic Indians and Indonesians}
KG Bee (In a threatening tone): Will you take responsibility if something goes missing?
Indomitable FSV: That is your responsibility. However if you allow only me to look through the goods, I'll take responsibility if anything goes missing.
{KG Bee realised that his communist shenanigans wouldn't work on Indomitable FSV, who had been tempered by his experiences in the pitched battles of Rastekam Al Sasteme}
KG Bee: Ok, then. You can look.
(Lame ass bastards. I was expecting a pitch invasion at this point. I though people would flood the barricade, thus signalling another victory for independent thought and rebellion against authoritarianism. But the fucking cretins stood there in the queue like lambs, looking at me, waiting for me finish sifting through the queue like I was a fucking celebrity while they waited. Then I realised. These people did not bear the battle scars of Barabarsebolo They had been fed the same slush for the past 4 years and had become docile cows on prozac. The Indomitable FSV was all set for herohood, but there were no people who wished to be saved. The will to stand up and take your oppressor by the throat had just gone. I had to save face. I could not associate with these people.)
Indomitable FSV: It's ok, carry on. I don't think I saw anything I want to buy.
{Smoothly goes to his friend, who is 9th in line and whispers, "get me that watch with the golden dial"}
Unfortunately, apparently some Indonesian guy liked that watch as well, and he was ahead of my friend in line, so the bastard took it. The worst part was, they were letting people through the barricade like they let people in at amusements parks You know those small carts that hold 6 people rumble along, and then the guy allows 6 people in the queue to board.
That is not what pissed me off. That is not what made me think that this country is inherently communist.
KG Bee said, "One person can purchase only three items. We must make sure there is enough for everyone."
"Please make your purchases fast. There are other students waiting in the line. They may have classes."
That just blew my lid. So fuck those other students!! If they think their classes are more important than getting an "illuminator" for 3 bucks, they'll go, otherwise they'll do a fucking make up or something.
Why the fuck are you worried about them? And why the fuck are you making their choices for them? Fuck you and your whole operation!
Obviously this was in my head. Singaporeans are averse to the F word. Plus its a crime to abuse someone with intent to hurt him/her emotionally, punishable by a fine of 500 dollars in Singapore. So I blogged about it immediately. I may be in Singapore, but now my words are not. And thank god for that.
Today I realised how RED Singapore is. When I first came here 4 years ago, I heard that Singapore was maybe the most capitalist country in the world. At that time I was all for Ayn Rand's "drive me out of business, baby, then we'll have wild sex in a stone quarry" capitalism. But Singapore was predominantly Chinese. This was something new to me, for I used to think as an early adolescent that Russians were good communists because they were sharing technology with us and Chinese were bad communists because they attacked us in 1962. Suffice to say, Singapore impressed me as a capitalist country. No tax slabs, no unemployment cheques, dole, that is. There were murmurs about Singapore being a communist state in disguise as a capitalist state, though. Today I saw how.
All the stuff that is lost and found over a period of time is sold at regularly intervals at low rates. Today was one such day. I wanted to get a watch, and good CASIO watches were selling for 3 bucks, so I stopped. It was another 20 minutes before the sale was to begin. I wanted to browse through the merchandise but was kinda thirsty, so I thought I would get some sugarcanse juice with a spot of lemon and come back to finger through the stuff. Lo and behold, by the time I returned, with still 10 minutes to go for the sale to begin, the people assembled there had arranged themselves in a neat line, like wretched workers in front of a ration shop. There was a fucking barricade preventing them from reaching the tables where the stuff was kept.
Fuck these lamers, I said, and calmly stepped over the barricade. The Gestapo swung into action immediately.
Gestapo girl: Please stand behind the line.
Indomitable Fashion Street Veteran (henceforth Indomitable FSV): Why?
Gestapo girl: Because we want people to stand behind the line?
Indomitable FSV: You did not answer my question. Why?
Gestapo girl: You must stand in queue.
Indomitable FSV: Why?
Gestapo girl: It is only fair to the others who are standing in the queue.
Indomitable FSV: I am not sure I want to buy. I just want to look.
Gestapo girl: Then join the queue.
Indomitable FSV (Putting on a "it's because I am black, isn't it?" accent): Come on, man, is this a museum? I just want to look. If I see something I want to buy, I'll join the queue.
{I did not understand the fucking concept of the queue anyway. It was a bloody flea market clearance kinda thing. Maybe because the sellers were predominantly Chinese and the buyers were predominantly Indonesian and Indian. Or maybe because these lame bastards could never be monitors or captains or prefects in school, now they wanted to kad'hofy the kasar, that is, make up for it.}
[People in the queue looking at Indomitable FSV. Some with disgust, some with admiration]
Gestapo girl: Please, I am saying, please join the queue.
Indomitable FSV: Give me a good reason why I should wait for 20 minutes in a queue if in the end I do not see anything that I wish to buy.
Gestapo girl: The reason is that we want people to stand in a queue.
{Here, Gestapo girl was trying to trap the Indomitable FSV in a statement that was it's own reason. But little did she know that he had aced his Discrete Math paper...even though it was one of the very few papers he had aced...}
Indomitable FSV: That does not make any sense. {Looking at some people in the queue. Ok, looking at the Indians in the queue, smirking. Oh man, don't we love a good show?}
{Suddenly a buzzing sound was heard...it was evil KG Bee who was Gestapo girls counterpart in this heinous operation to impose evil communist practices on secular democratic Indians and Indonesians}
KG Bee (In a threatening tone): Will you take responsibility if something goes missing?
Indomitable FSV: That is your responsibility. However if you allow only me to look through the goods, I'll take responsibility if anything goes missing.
{KG Bee realised that his communist shenanigans wouldn't work on Indomitable FSV, who had been tempered by his experiences in the pitched battles of Rastekam Al Sasteme}
KG Bee: Ok, then. You can look.
(Lame ass bastards. I was expecting a pitch invasion at this point. I though people would flood the barricade, thus signalling another victory for independent thought and rebellion against authoritarianism. But the fucking cretins stood there in the queue like lambs, looking at me, waiting for me finish sifting through the queue like I was a fucking celebrity while they waited. Then I realised. These people did not bear the battle scars of Barabarsebolo They had been fed the same slush for the past 4 years and had become docile cows on prozac. The Indomitable FSV was all set for herohood, but there were no people who wished to be saved. The will to stand up and take your oppressor by the throat had just gone. I had to save face. I could not associate with these people.)
Indomitable FSV: It's ok, carry on. I don't think I saw anything I want to buy.
{Smoothly goes to his friend, who is 9th in line and whispers, "get me that watch with the golden dial"}
Unfortunately, apparently some Indonesian guy liked that watch as well, and he was ahead of my friend in line, so the bastard took it. The worst part was, they were letting people through the barricade like they let people in at amusements parks You know those small carts that hold 6 people rumble along, and then the guy allows 6 people in the queue to board.
That is not what pissed me off. That is not what made me think that this country is inherently communist.
KG Bee said, "One person can purchase only three items. We must make sure there is enough for everyone."
"Please make your purchases fast. There are other students waiting in the line. They may have classes."
That just blew my lid. So fuck those other students!! If they think their classes are more important than getting an "illuminator" for 3 bucks, they'll go, otherwise they'll do a fucking make up or something.
Why the fuck are you worried about them? And why the fuck are you making their choices for them? Fuck you and your whole operation!
Obviously this was in my head. Singaporeans are averse to the F word. Plus its a crime to abuse someone with intent to hurt him/her emotionally, punishable by a fine of 500 dollars in Singapore. So I blogged about it immediately. I may be in Singapore, but now my words are not. And thank god for that.
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