Red Singapore

Today I realised how RED Singapore is. When I first came here 4 years ago, I heard that Singapore was maybe the most capitalist country in the world. At that time I was all for Ayn Rand's "drive me out of business, baby, then we'll have wild sex in a stone quarry" capitalism. But Singapore was predominantly Chinese. This was something new to me, for I used to think as an early adolescent that Russians were good communists because they were sharing technology with us and Chinese were bad communists because they attacked us in 1962. Suffice to say, Singapore impressed me as a capitalist country. No tax slabs, no unemployment cheques, dole, that is. There were murmurs about Singapore being a communist state in disguise as a capitalist state, though. Today I saw how.

All the stuff that is lost and found over a period of time is sold at regularly intervals at low rates. Today was one such day. I wanted to get a watch, and good CASIO watches were selling for 3 bucks, so I stopped. It was another 20 minutes before the sale was to begin. I wanted to browse through the merchandise but was kinda thirsty, so I thought I would get some sugarcanse juice with a spot of lemon and come back to finger through the stuff. Lo and behold, by the time I returned, with still 10 minutes to go for the sale to begin, the people assembled there had arranged themselves in a neat line, like wretched workers in front of a ration shop. There was a fucking barricade preventing them from reaching the tables where the stuff was kept.

Fuck these lamers, I said, and calmly stepped over the barricade. The Gestapo swung into action immediately.

Gestapo girl: Please stand behind the line.
Indomitable Fashion Street Veteran (henceforth Indomitable FSV): Why?
Gestapo girl: Because we want people to stand behind the line?
Indomitable FSV: You did not answer my question. Why?
Gestapo girl: You must stand in queue.
Indomitable FSV: Why?
Gestapo girl: It is only fair to the others who are standing in the queue.
Indomitable FSV: I am not sure I want to buy. I just want to look.
Gestapo girl: Then join the queue.
Indomitable FSV (Putting on a "it's because I am black, isn't it?" accent): Come on, man, is this a museum? I just want to look. If I see something I want to buy, I'll join the queue.
{I did not understand the fucking concept of the queue anyway. It was a bloody flea market clearance kinda thing. Maybe because the sellers were predominantly Chinese and the buyers were predominantly Indonesian and Indian. Or maybe because these lame bastards could never be monitors or captains or prefects in school, now they wanted to kad'hofy the kasar, that is, make up for it.}
[People in the queue looking at Indomitable FSV. Some with disgust, some with admiration]
Gestapo girl: Please, I am saying, please join the queue.
Indomitable FSV: Give me a good reason why I should wait for 20 minutes in a queue if in the end I do not see anything that I wish to buy.
Gestapo girl: The reason is that we want people to stand in a queue.
{Here, Gestapo girl was trying to trap the Indomitable FSV in a statement that was it's own reason. But little did she know that he had aced his Discrete Math paper...even though it was one of the very few papers he had aced...}
Indomitable FSV: That does not make any sense. {Looking at some people in the queue. Ok, looking at the Indians in the queue, smirking. Oh man, don't we love a good show?}
{Suddenly a buzzing sound was heard...it was evil KG Bee who was Gestapo girls counterpart in this heinous operation to impose evil communist practices on secular democratic Indians and Indonesians}
KG Bee (In a threatening tone): Will you take responsibility if something goes missing?
Indomitable FSV: That is your responsibility. However if you allow only me to look through the goods, I'll take responsibility if anything goes missing.
{KG Bee realised that his communist shenanigans wouldn't work on Indomitable FSV, who had been tempered by his experiences in the pitched battles of Rastekam Al Sasteme}
KG Bee: Ok, then. You can look.
(Lame ass bastards. I was expecting a pitch invasion at this point. I though people would flood the barricade, thus signalling another victory for independent thought and rebellion against authoritarianism. But the fucking cretins stood there in the queue like lambs, looking at me, waiting for me finish sifting through the queue like I was a fucking celebrity while they waited. Then I realised. These people did not bear the battle scars of Barabarsebolo They had been fed the same slush for the past 4 years and had become docile cows on prozac. The Indomitable FSV was all set for herohood, but there were no people who wished to be saved. The will to stand up and take your oppressor by the throat had just gone. I had to save face. I could not associate with these people.)
Indomitable FSV: It's ok, carry on. I don't think I saw anything I want to buy.
{Smoothly goes to his friend, who is 9th in line and whispers, "get me that watch with the golden dial"}

Unfortunately, apparently some Indonesian guy liked that watch as well, and he was ahead of my friend in line, so the bastard took it. The worst part was, they were letting people through the barricade like they let people in at amusements parks You know those small carts that hold 6 people rumble along, and then the guy allows 6 people in the queue to board.

That is not what pissed me off. That is not what made me think that this country is inherently communist.
KG Bee said, "One person can purchase only three items. We must make sure there is enough for everyone."
"Please make your purchases fast. There are other students waiting in the line. They may have classes."
That just blew my lid. So fuck those other students!! If they think their classes are more important than getting an "illuminator" for 3 bucks, they'll go, otherwise they'll do a fucking make up or something.
Why the fuck are you worried about them? And why the fuck are you making their choices for them? Fuck you and your whole operation!

Obviously this was in my head. Singaporeans are averse to the F word. Plus its a crime to abuse someone with intent to hurt him/her emotionally, punishable by a fine of 500 dollars in Singapore. So I blogged about it immediately. I may be in Singapore, but now my words are not. And thank god for that.