Cricket class

The following imaginary class room incident is inspired from a similar story written by Pu La Deshpande about Indian political leaders.

All the kids are making lot of noise. Of course it would be wrong to say that everyone is making noise. Sachin, who is sitting on the first bench, is very quiet as usual. Only 2 minutes are left for Sir to arrive.

At sharp 9, John sir enters the class. Everyone takes their places. "Good morning, everybody" Sir says. "Good morning, Sir" everyone says, every one except Harbhajan, that is. He is still struggling with his English, so he says, "Sat sri akaal Sirji".

"Ok, today we are going to learn about team spirit" John sir says. "Who is Tim's preet?" Well, it is Harbhajan again! Sir many a time felt that Harbhajan should have completed his English classes before joining this course. In fact, sometime he felt like himself joining Punjabi classes, so that he could communicate with Bhaji!!

"Beta, it is not Tim's preet. It is team spirit." he says, trying to control his frustration. "Ok boys, so let's learn something about team spirit.
Hey, Parthiv! How many times have I told you not to put your thumb in your mouth. Now you are big boys. So act your age. And how will you keep wickets if you put your thumb in your mouth?"
Parthiv doesn't pay any attention.
"PARTHIV!!" sir shouts.
"Parthiv, don't suck on your thumb." Sachin says in his gentle voice.
Parthiv immidiately takes the thumb out and says, "I will always listen to you, Sachin dada. You are my role model." Sachin gives him a TVS Victor smile.
"Grrrrrr.... I am the only DADA in this team! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Sourav dada shouts from the last bench?

"Boys, boys, don't fight. Today we are going to learn about team spirit. Harbhajan! Why are you slapping Rahul?"
"Sir, he called me 'Sardar'"
"But you are a Sardar, right?"
"Sir, but he said I can bowl well only at 12 o'clock, and that since 12 o'clock is lunch time, I will never bowl well", Bhaji says angrily.

"Rahul, I always thought you were a quiet guy like Sachin", Sir says.
"But Sir, he calls me 'tortoise' because I score slowly."
"But, they all call u 'The Wall' for your perfect defence, right? You should be proud of it."
"I was Sir, but now I am not, because they sing a song, 'Rahul Dravid - The Wall, Can't hit a single ball'."

"Sourav, you are the captain of the side, you should make sure that boys don't fight with each other."
"I tried, but they don't listen to me. Some of them still listen to Sachin only" Sourav says dejectedly.

"Guys, no more fights. So we are going to learn about team spirit. Team spirit is - playing for the team and not for oneself. Can anyone give me one example of team spirit?"

Everybody remains silent and as usual starts looking down and fidgeting.
"Ok, Nehra, give me a good example of team spirit."
"Sir.. I don't know any. But I know a good example of lack of team spirit."
"Ok, ok, tell me that"
"When Sourav comes near his hundred, he forgets the team's requirement and plays slowly. That is a good example of lack of team spirit."
The whole class laughs.

"Grrrr.... In the next match Ajit will play in your place and you will be the water boy", roars Sourav.

"This type of fighting is not good for our team. Anil, you are a senior member of the side. You should take care of the boys.
ANIL!!! Why are you looking at the board? Look at me!"
Some children say "dhaapnya, dhaapnya". Everyone laughs.
"Sir, I forgot my lenses today."
"So you should always keep your specs with you."
"But sir, then these people call me 'dhaapnya'. Now I wear lenses, so I am not dhaapnya, right?"
"Is it? Then why do you call me 'zaadya' even though I have lost my weight" said angry Dinesh Mongia.
Now Ajit bemoans, "You call me 'bumper lottery', why?"
Nehra quips, "It's not us; it's the batsmen who see you that way." The class snickers, Ajit's red ears turn redder still.
Dinesh defends himself "I said that because you called me 'Navjot Singh Sidhu' when I said something without thinking."

"Enough of this!" says frustrated John Wright. "Guys, one thing we have learnt today and that is - there is no team spirit in our side. By the way, no matter what happens, you should not call anyone 'Navjot Singh Sidhu'. That hurts. Now we have learned what team spirit is not. Let us now see what team spirit is."
"Sir I have a shooting for TVS Victor" Sachin says.
"And I have to go for Pepsi" says Sehwag.
"Hero Honda for me" adds Sourav.
"Jam jam Jammy" quips Rahul.
One by one every one leaves the classroom.
Only Sir John and Parthiv Patel are left. Parthiv is waiting for his mom to pick him up. He still has his thumb in his mouth. Sir has anyway given up on this side. "Parthiv, I am going to the teacher's room. Don't go anywhere. Your mom will come in a few minutes. And don't leave your water bottle behind like last time."

Dejected, Sir John goes to the teachers' room, calls the peon and tells him to bring a VRS form!